I know, I know. It’s been a while since anyone saw me on this blog. Even though it’s ostensibly my own blog. Patty keeps regularly chugging forth on the Write Horse Fridays, and yet from me…silence.
Usually I’m pretty decent about regular blogging–once a week, sometimes twice. There’s always something new going on with the dogs, always something to chat about with the writing. Because hey! Me = opinionated. Just ask me.
But now and then the universe proffers a butt-kick of the sort that throws everything out of whack. Here in Lymeville, I sort of teeter on the edge of “out of whack” as a matter of course, but the falls are most often little ones–a week here or there and then I’m back at it.
But summers are hard in general (I don’t easily manage heat or excessive light, because my nervous system is all the heck worked up). And it seems that losing Rena Beagle in June–the way it happened, the particular heartbreak of it–knocked me right over that edge, and this time it was a cliff edge. The world’s been duller; the hard stuff that we all face has been harder. The words have come slower, and the things we all do for fun just haven’t been fun. It’s just all too much.
Don’t even talk to me about blogging.
We put the boys into a barn hunt class, hoping to distract us all (it still took them about two weeks to stop howling for their girl). We continued with our tracking training, went to a couple of agility trials…but didn’t get from these activities what we’ve always gotten from them.
And I remained the unblogger.
So here I am, feeling the pressure. Either be a blogger, or don’t. Do it, or take it down so it’s not looming over me shouting “Failure to blog! Failure to Blog! FailFailFail!” What will I do? What WILL I do?*
*Okay, if you didn’t see those ancient Karl Malden commercials, this is not funny. Maybe it’s not funny anyway.
Sometimes life does this, I know that. It knocks us down, puts us in a place where recovery takes a while and we can’t really fake it. But I’m used to faking it. After twenty-eight years of (undiagnosed/untreated) Lyme, faking functionality is a way of life. I’m not used to being not able to fake it.
It shakes me. Severely.
I can recall previous times when life got intense–before I was sick, back when I was living in deep Appalachia as an aspiring writer with a strict daily page quota. Except then it seemed only natural that writing should ebb and flow along with everything else–and for the most part, it flowed. My goals for the year were realistic, based on the understanding that the muse is not machine.
These days that feels like luxury and instead of taking the option, I bash my way forward–or else walk around with the FAIL voice riding beside each ear to shout in stereo (sometimes with a cool doppler train effect). In truth, I think backing off without the guilt is the healthier way to deal with these moments. I mean, when we fall off cliff edges, why wouldn’t we need time to recover?
Do Do Do Do DO things. Sound familiar? Just get over it, pick it up, carry on.
Yeah, I guess that’s not happening.
In the event that you somehow know just exactly what I’m talking about, here’s a note to both of us: Our best really, truly is good enough.
(Meanwhile, because short little posts haven’t felt too hard, the adventures with suicidal mice, dogs in training, the agility trial hotel that’s now cleaner since Dart barfed there, Calypso the invisible rehomed barn cat and Mr. McKittypants the successor but far more erstwhile barn cat are ongoing at Facebook…)
I was hoping you would find that commercial! Fb is like a serial blog on various exploits of the various clan members! Do what works! They are all fun to read. Without fail. 🙂
FB is definitely like a serial blog…except without the ability to go back and find what you wrote when! Blogging is like a diary. 8)
Just do what you can, none of your readers will think you fail cause you don’t blog regularly. I know it is the least of the disasters the throws me. I could handle the daughter moving in with broken ankle, husband with kidny stones and major uninary infection, but Dipstick not feel well put me over the edge. Not over the cliff yet but near the edge
I do hope he’s feeling better!
Sense of humor and self worth…don’t leave home without it…oops, I’d probably never leave the house! This is all part of being alive. You’re doing fine
Never leave home without them…isn’t that a traveler’s check thing, too?
Don’t leave home without them.
Even just the shortest post is joy to this reader. Please don’t quit on us for good. Take your time, let us know occasionally that you’re alive (even if not well) and…we love you.
Not quitting, but feeling so sad about withdrawing–as you know, I already had to streamline to the point that I’m not truly on SFF at all, and I loved it there. I miss everyone! Why can’t we do it ALL? I want to be magic!
Okay, I’m done with my little hissy fit. Must go do CEs. ;>
Be it Hounds, or Barn Hunt, or writing, or agility or whatever… I enjoy seeing it. Whether you know it or not, you’ve been very influential in my beginning to learn how to give Babette Beagle what she deserves as a Beagle and not an imitation Dachshund. Besides, you’ve had two losses of beloved Ladies in a relatively short time. Bad enough when it’s a senior who has had a full life. Worse when it’s a relatively young one who, had Fate been kinder, would have had many more years ahead of her. Add the Lyme in, and…. just know that your readers are out here, rooting for you. Whenever you get back to us!
8) It makes me really happy if I helped with Babette at all!
Believe me, you have helped with Miss Babette! As we have noted, Dachshunds and Beagles are both Hounds, and they are both highly intelligent, independent, and stubborn. But they have some differences in outlook. My not knowing that sometimes meant Babette didn’t get some of what she needed — and now she is. She’s not sure yet, about the Barn Hunt stuff, being a Methodical Beagle, but she had FUN at the fun match. And I wouldn’t have even known to go looking for it without Connery’s posts — and yours. Oh, and something else which occurred to me: the half-full / half-empty glass. Instead of looking at what you haven’t been able to do, look at what you HAVE accomplished. HOW many words on your next book? And so many more things.
Thank you for pushing me over the edge…. to venture into facebook to read your entries. I really loved hearing about mckittypants! One entry motivated me to look at the model num of my surge protector with the power switch ON THE SIDE. Since you’re feeling stressed, this is all you need dxsf126. I’m sure there are others but this is under $20 online, shipped. It is silly, but they still don’t list this as a feature, so you can’t do a search on it.
Thanks for sharing about the stress. I’ve been close to my own edge, but it settles me to know I’m not alone. 🙂
Wow, thanks for the UPS info! I’ll check with my tech guy (the other of us) about that.
You are totally not alone! And I knew I wasn’t… I hope things get better on your end. 8)